The bells rang and a buzz filled all the school’s corridors. The youngest kids in there ran like there were no tomorrow to get out of there and the ones in last year walked slowly like they had no soul, fed up of that place. Slowly he walked between the hasty kids, being hit by their shoulders on his ribs, but he walked impassive, heading his steps to the bathrooms. With his poker face , he leaned his back against the wall and left the two bags he was carrying on the floor. He reached his headphones from his trousers’ pocket and switched on the mp4 device and started to hit his foot against the floor, following the drums rhythm and with his fingers he played his air guitar. Nobody really care about his performance in the middle of the corridor, everybody knew he was really attached to music, but not as thousands of other people, that kid was music himself. Someone pulling out his headphones from his ears took him back to real world.
‘Al, come one, let’s leave before she comes out.’
‘Who was this time, huh, Helders?’ said Alex taking the bags from the floor and following Matt from behind, handing him his bag. ‘I picked it for you, as you left in the middle of the class.’
‘Amber or…? I don’t remember her name, really.’ Alex gazed him. ‘What?! Al, don’t look at me like this because you’ve also shagged girls on that bathrooms and you don’t even remember her names.’
As they walked through the corridors, all the girls that were still there giggled and stared at them. They were the ‘bad guys’, not the popular ones, athletics and talented, they were the mysterious and dangerous in some kind of way. They had that attractiveness that muscles don’t give. The fact they had a band didn’t influence people at all, it was too mainstream, everybody, one way or another, was related to a band that met in garages and played in the most shitty bars they found. What was certain was they were bad influences all the way.
When they were out of the buildings, a skinny body approached them and Matt rolled his eyes and sighed showing his displeasure towards that person.
‘I’m leaving, goodbye Al.’ he said before that person opened his mouth and patted Alex’ back. ‘See you tomorrow.’ and he left, lighting a cigarette. Alex turned back an rolled his eyes.
‘Don’t worry, Alex. We will never get on well, because he doesn’t want, I thought he was a nice kid.’
‘And he is, Miles, but I don’t know what he has against you’ and he sighed. ‘Well, what do you want?’
‘I have a new tune! Come over my place and I’ll show it to you!’ he said with a smile from side to side of his face. Miles was considered exactly the opposite of Matt and Alex, he was the good but not nerd boy, he liked to party and get drunk, but he was in some way responsible. Maybe was that the reason Matt didn’t like him, but Alex and him had a strong friendship, basically led by music.
In some way Miles was the one that kept Alex away from serious problems, the one that made him take things more seriously and the only one who knew his inner self. Behind all that roll he played, he was a normal guy, a lover of music with a bit of awkwardness that he sometimes failed to hide. Miles did not really understand why he played that stupid roll of being a badass, why he cared so much about the impression he gave to people and above all the one he gave to Matt. He really wished Alex stopped following Matt like a dog and started being himself.
They reached Miles’ apartment. He lived alone since he really didn’t get on well with his parents, they were obsessed with his education and manners and always asking him to do things more than perfect. He ended fed up of that situation of never-ending stress and he left his house, even though his parents continued paying his school and visited him once in a while. Once, Alex was at there when his parent showed up and it really was an uncomfortable situation, the coldness of their words and the continuous questions about his life, made Alex understand why he had left that nightmare. He threw his bag over the little sofa and took his coat and Alex’s and left them over a chair. Excited, Miles quickly connected his guitar and started to play the song he had been composing the days before.
‘I have some lyrics written, but I need some help with them’ he said when he finished playing and Alex has clapped his performance.
‘I think the music is really good, let’s see wh-’ Alex searched for his mobile that started buzzing all of a sudden. He could read Helders on his cell screen. ‘What do you want?’ he answered.
‘I have just bought some really good shit and I’m at the stores with the guys… and oh with some really pretty girls..’ Alex could hear some girly giggles. ‘What do you say? Are you coming? Or are you too busy being gay with Miles?’ now he could hear laughs behind Matt’s one.
‘I’m not with him.’ he lied. ‘I’m there in 10 min.’ and he hung up, took his coat and opened the door spitting an I’m sorry, Miles and some kind of smile to apologize and he left, slamming the door.
In a breath Alex reached his house. It was not so far from Miles’ flat and he wanted to pick up his bike so he could ride faster up there. His face froze while the wind practically cut his face and the steam his breath provoked melted with the cold air. He arrived there quickly, but not quickly enough to prevent his nose and cheeks to turn red. He pulled aside the huge gate of the store and entered into the building with his hands in his coat’s pockets.
‘Here’s my favourite loser!’ shouted Matt at the sight of Alex. He got up from an old and dirty red sofa that was situated just in the middle of the big abandoned store. The store was outside the town and it had been abandoned for years, so the guys took the place to play there whenever they wanted.
‘I’m not yours!’ said Alex while he got rid from Matt’s grip while he rubbed his hair like Alex was a little kid.
‘So you’re just a loser?’ said Jamie who was sat on the sofa with Nick and two girls. They four started laughing while Alex ignored them and took his coat off and sat next to Jamie.
‘So, why are you here?’ asked Alex, gazing one of the girls.
‘I bought some good weed and the girls brought alcohol and Nick did some calls, and we are having a little party tonight.’ said Matt raising his eyebrows.
‘Oh, that’s fucking great!’
Music filled the room while Miles played delicately some notes, like he was caressing his guitar with the softness he would touch a girl’s bare an pale skin. His only thought were Alex. It really upset him how he was constantly leaving when they were together because of Matt’s calls. It really upset him because he was the only true friend he had. He just felt lonely and depressed, his life was a huge mess.
The noise of the door of the store being closed gave Alex a sudden headache. He slowly opened his eyes and the light of the morning felt like knives on his eyes. He wanted to move, but he realized that someone was embracing his waist with his arm and was sleeping on his arm. When he was able to focus his gaze, he discovered the girl that was sit next to Jaime on the sofa the night before. He tried to remember what happened but he couldn’t, he had no memories from what he did or with who he was that night. He brought his free hand to his forehead and winced; it felt like his head was going to explode and his mouth was all dry and tasted like shit. A kiss on his cheek was the goodmornings of the girl. She draw a wonderful smile on his face and Alex replied it, just to be polite, because he did not even remember her name.
‘How was your sleep?’ she asked, rubbing his belly under his t-shirt.
‘Hmm…eh…well, nice.’ Alex was very uncomfortable and he quickly got up. There were people through all the place, sleeping wherever they found that night. He saw Matt on the sofa, with two girls, one in each side and he embraced them with his arms, while their heads rested on his chest. Every step he took towards Matt, the pain squeezed his brains and he still could feel some kind of dizziness. ‘Matt…’ groaned Alex while he slightly shook Matt’s body.
‘What do you want?’ he answered in a rude tone, molested by Alex’s presence.
‘Nothing, just saying I’m leaving.’ the girls moved their bodies carefully, being awake by Alex’s voice.
‘I’m not your mum, Al, leave whenever you want, I don’t really care.’ with that Alex turned around and made his way out of that place. He took his bike and pushed it, if he had pushed it, for sure he would have end on the floor due to the terrible hangover that was killing him. He felt his mobile buzzing. A new message of an unknown number. Why have you left without saying anything? Call me, Grace x. Alex rolled his eyes and answered a rude I won’t call you and you shouldn’t call me. When he sent it he was 14 missed calls from his mum. ‘Oh.. shit…’ he mumbled.
After slamming his house’s door, the same ritual as always started. Mrs. Turner slightly smiled after seeing his son alive through the entrance but his mind quickly reminded why she was so relieved and she shouted a loud ‘Alexander!’. He just ignored her and started heading up the stairs, like a zombie, wishing his mother’s yells wouldn’t last so much.
‘Where do you think you are going?!’ yelled her trying to stop him. Alex just turned around and looked at her with the most indifferent face ever. She could see his black circles round his eyes and the redness of them.
‘Mum, not now, please. We have had this conversation hundreds of times and we know how it will end.’ after saying that, he disposed to continue his way to his room.
‘Oh no. There’s no conversation this time. Here are your things, and there’s the door, goodbye.’
‘I don’t think you need me to repeat it.’
‘Mum!’ said him, now really concerned about the situation, not even knowing why he was calling her, maybe a call of despair.
‘Alex, please, leave this house.’ He somehow knew this all was his only fault, so he shut his mouth, took the several bags his mum had packed and left. Before he closed the door, he took a last look back, and he saw her crying, and he hated himself more than ever. Trembling he reached his mobile.
‘What’s wrong Al?’ the way Alex had called for him shown the instability of his emotions right then.
‘I- I just fucked everything up, and this time for real.’ his tone was lower than normal and it seemed like sorrow was eating him from the inside.
‘What has happened?!’ shouted Miles concerned about whatever Alex had done.
‘My mother kicked my ass out of my house, I need to stay with you.’ he said, ashamed of himself. In the other side of the phone, Miles rested in silence. Some kind of anger took his body. He was tired of Alex using him when things were going wrong, he was tired of solving his problems without receiving a proper friendship back.
‘No.’ Alex tried to interrupt him but Miles continued speaking. ‘You can’t stay, I’m sorry.’ And of course he was. He knew he would regret denying help to his best friend but he just hung up and brought his hands to his face.
Alex, in the middle of the pavement, stood up still with his mobile on his ear, listening to the bips of the hung up phone. He couldn’t believe what was going on. He felt alone. He thought Miles would be always there, that he was his only true friend he had and he did not really understand his reaction. He wanted to call Matt, Jamie or Nick, but he was too ashamed of the situation, he didn’t want anyone, except Miles, to know about that. He was completely alone with nowhere to go, with no one to talk with. What was he supposed to do?
He hit the nearest tree, trying to loose that mess of feelings that pressed his chest. Tears rolled down his face, if he could, we would have punched himself on the face. His hate for himself was bigger than ever, he felt lost and unloved, and he knew it was all his fault.
‘You’re a stupid fuck, Alex.’ he mumbled between sobs.
It was still too early to go to the old store. He thought on spending there the night, at least there was a sofa. But he still couldn’t drown his sorrows in the emptiness of that huge place, because Matt and the others still were at there, sleeping after the party, having nothing to worry about. He took out a cigarette from his pocket and played with it while he was sitting on the edge of the pavement.
Behind his back was his house. While the cigarette danced through his fingers, flipping around them and occasionally falling on the floor, he wished he could enter again at there and happy smiles received him. He wondered how much time he would have to be paying for his mistakes. He put the cigarette between his chapped lips and looked to the sky. He didn’t even know why he was doing that, maybe preventing some tears fall from his eyes, but failing at it, like he failed at everything.
He entertained himself how he could until the evening came. He slowly opened the huge door of the store, making an unpleasant noise of rusty door that echoed through out the place. There was no one in there. A lot of plastic glasses and bottles of all sort of alcoholic beverages were spread over the store’s floor. He left the bags next to the sofa, grabbed the half-empty vodka bottle that was left there and laid down on the sofa. He lit a cigarette and after blowing out the first drag, he took a shoot of vodka that burnt his throat.
He had no more thoughts on his head. He was so exhausted that his body only wanted alcohol to forget everything, to cry until he fall asleep, to disappear from the planet Earth. As he ended the bottle he threw it with all his anger against the floor, smashing it into pieces. He sat up on the sofa, and with the cigarette still on his hands, he rubbed his eyes, sighed, took the last drag and laid down again, disappearing.
‘Alex…’ he felt someone patting his face softly, apparently, he had fallen asleep. ‘Alex, can you hear me?’ It was a tender voice mixed with some concern. ‘Fuck, Alex, what have you drink?’
‘Miles?’ he said when he could focus his gaze.
‘Yeah, it’s me.’ he said. ‘Are you okay?’
‘How did you find me?’
‘I knew you would be here. Let me pick your things, let’s go home, I’ve made some dinner.’ said Miles while he grabbed Alex’s bags and walked his way out the store
‘Come on! It’s getting late, Al.’ he said turning back and smiling at him. A sweet warm filled Alex’s inside, he could see some light at the end of the road.
They made their way to Miles’ house. Miles embraced Alex with his arm around his waist, helping him to walk straight because he was still pretty drunk and his body swayed from side to side of the street. Occasionally, Alex sighed and brought his hand to his face and made Miles stop to see if he could stop that bloody sickness.
‘How much did you drink?!’ asked Miles surprised by his friend state.
‘I dunno… but I think it mixed it with the previous hangover of yesterday night…’
‘Well, don’t worry, if you want, when we get home, you can go to sleep on my bed, yeah?’
‘Are you okay with that, after all I made you get angry, I don’t know why but I’m really sorry.’ Miles felt bad when he heard Alex apologizing. He felt guilty because if he had helped him from the very beginning he wouldn’t be drunk right then.
‘Don’t apologize, please.’ and after that there was silence until they arrived to Miles’ apartment. Just when they arrived Alex run to the bathroom, he couldn’t put it up any more and he ended throwing up. When he finished Miles splashed water against his face and asked him hundreds of times if he was okay, while Alex’s eyes closed by themselves and Miles had to shake him to keep him awake. He helped him to change his clothes and laid him sideways on his bed.
Miles let his tired body hit against the old sofa and he switched on the television trying to occupy his mind with other things that were not Alex. He did not even touch the food he cooked, some home-made pizza. He finally fell asleep with the command on his belly and the TV broadcasting any shitty reality show.
At 5 a.m someone woke him up. He saw Alex, with huge black circles around his eyes and his hair messed up.
‘I’m hungry.’ he mumbled and sat next to him. He sighed. ‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything that happened today, and yesterday, and since the first day we met. I’m really sorry.’
‘Why are you saying this, Al? I don’t want you to apologize, I forgive you, forget about it, okay?’ and he got up and put the pizza in the oven. ‘Are you feeling better?’ Alex nodded as he crossed his legs and sighed again.
‘I need to sort out my life.’
‘I’m not going to lie, yes, you need.’
When the pizza was ready Miles sat next to Alex also leg-crossed. They talked about Alex’s fears and expectations, what he wanted to change, what were his real feelings. Somehow, Miles felt flattered knowing that that conversation would not be repeated with anybody else. He was the only one Alex trusted enough to be just himself. As the conversation went by, Alex started to smile and he even laughed. Miles company filled some of the emptiness that the recent events had caused on him. He felt that he was the only person who actually cared about him. The only one who actually loved him.
The sun was up and they were still talking about random things. In few minutes they both were leaving to go to school. The day passed by really slowly for Alex. He didn’t want to be there, his head hurt to death and he was really tired. And then he saw her and all his ills and problems fade away. He was just getting out of one of the classes and she passed by. For some seconds Alex’s world froze. Her walk captured his attention, as always, while her black hair floated following the rhythm of her hips and her dark green eyes gazed him with disinterest.
She was all mystery and attractiveness. No one really knew anything about her, she was just always there but not being even noticed by anyone, except by Alex. Since the first day he saw her, her aura trapped him and sentenced him to crave for her presence. It was like one day she was randomly put in the same room as Alex, she came out from nowhere. They had never talked and Alex didn’t have the intention of doing it. He liked to stare at her and analyse every little inch of her pale skin, how she always had her mouth mid-open and how her green eyes glowed between the black eyeshadow she always wore.
He had idealized her so much. She was not like all the other girls he had put an eye on, she was just special. Of course he felt a sexual attraction towards her, but he wouldn’t put any effort to get into her. He just didn’t want to. He was afraid he would lose all his interest on her when she spoke to him. He liked things like they were, he didn’t want to know her, he liked the mystery that surrounded that girl.
‘Planet Earth calling to Alex!’ joked Miles making the sound of a radio interference. ‘Man, you should go and talk to her and end this stupid game you do of staring at her like an stalker.’
‘I don’t want to. We have already talked about this Miles…’
‘Okay, okay, I was just joking. Do whatever you want, it’s none of my business.’ said Miles and they both started walking down the corridor. ‘Tonight I’ve thought we could-‘
‘No, no, don’t make any plans for tonight. Matt has invited me to a party at the old store, I know the last time things didn’t end well but I want you to come with me tonight.’
‘Matt won’t want me to be there, Al…’
‘I don’t care, if I say you are coming, you are coming, whatever says Matt.’ and he showed a pretty smile of excitement and happiness.
The sky was dark black and the guys made their way to the old store. Miles felt quite nervous to Matt’s reaction. He heated the feeling of being disliked and even more if that person was Matt, one of the greatest friends of Alex. It was like if he was disliked by Alex’s mother. Alex saw Miles lost in his thoughts and he already knew what was he meditating. He gave him two taps on his back and then he squeezed his shoulder.
‘Everything is going to be okay. Just enjoy. It’s the first time we go out together.’
Quickly Miles changed his expression to make Alex feel better. Moving all his little body to open the huge door, Alex moved his whole arm doing a little reverence letting Miles come in. The place was full of people. The music was loud and there was like a fog of cigarette smoke in the higher part of the store. The were a group of people dancing and the rest were scattered all over the store. Matt was next to the ping pong table they had there. There were a shirtless girl laid on there with shoot glasses in a row from her chin to the beginning of her pants. Matt and some guys counted down from three and they drank the shoots directly with their mouths keeping their hand on their backs. The girl giggles stupidly and Matt helped her to sit up and three seconds later they were making out
‘Don’t get that surprised, Miles, you’ll see this tonight at least 4 times.’
‘Yes, and I used to do that too, but he is the king in this issue.’
Miles wanted to punch Alex on his face because it seemed like he was venerating Matt. But he just ignored his comment and they went to greet Nick and Jamie who were at the improvised bar, sharing some drinks with some girls. Nick and Jamie were extremely happy to see Miles there, but it was mostly because of the effect of the alcohol. Both, Miles and Alex, asked for some drinks. While waiting for whoever was doing the job of preparing the drinks Alex looked at his right. And she was there. She.
She was wearing a black leather jacket with some matching tight black jeans. Her t-shirt was one of those that are short enough to slightly show your belly and it was striped black and white with a little pocket on the right side. She had her hair tied in a bad-done bun and her eyeshadow was as black as always, making her green eyes glow. When Alex noticed that she was looking at him, he quickly broke the eye contact. Miles noticed her too and he approached to Alex.
‘Go and talk with her.’ he whispered.
‘Come on, Alex, don’t be a pussy.’ and Miles pushed him in her direction and Alex had no other thing to do that saying the most awkward ‘hi’ of the history. She looked at him with indifference, but Alex was decided to talk with her once he finally had approached to her.
‘How is the night going?’
‘This is boring.’
‘Maybe that’s because you’re alone, don’t you think?’
After that poor conversation where she was clearly annoyed by Alex’s presence, Alex looked back to Miles who threw his thumbs ups. Alex wanted to break that awkward silence, he wanted her to be comfortable with his presence, he wanted a chance with her.
‘So, what’s your name?’
‘Hmm nice name.’ said Alex and she looked at him, for first time since Alex opened his mouth. Alex smiled at her.
‘And yours is…’ Finally she put some interest of that chat. Maybe it was due to Alex’s smile, he always got said it was deadly cute or maybe she was just being rude to keep the mysterious appearance she owned.
‘Alex, nice to meet you.’ And she gave her two kisses, one in each cheek. They continued talking about meaningless things, just keeping up that stupid game of gazes, stupid laughs and touches time by time. Maybe Alex did want to have something with her, maybe he was wrong keeping that distance with her. He should have talked to her before.
Alex tried to step right to follow the rhythm of music, while his hands were placed on Helena’s hips and she looked at him with shy eyes and time by time she bit her lip, thing that Alex found irresistible. They had probably drink a little bit more than they should but they were having a great time dancing between unknown people and keeping the tension between them two. The DJ decided to play a slow song and they hesitated about leaving or dancing it, but Elena pulled Alex closer while lacing her finger back on Alex’s neck and they began to swing all over the place. It felt weird at first but slowly they knew how to move as one and their dance was truly harmonious. ‘Now’ thought Elena and she tried to kiss Alex.
‘Fuck!’ he said before Elena touched his lips. ‘Miles! I forgot about him!’ and Elena tried to hide her intentions but she felt truly stupid in her inside. ‘I- Elena, I need to go and find Miles, I’m sorry, love, I-’ he sighed. ‘Can I ask you something?’ Elena nodded. ‘Will you talk to me after this? You know, at school, well anyways I had a great time, bye, sweetheart.’ and Alex kissed her nose and then her cheek and ran away moving people apart and making his way out of the dancefloor.
‘Alex!’ he heard someone shouting his name. ‘Hey, you, my favourite loser!’
‘I told you hundreds of time I’m not yours!’ he said laughing and then he hugged Matt who was even more drunk than him.
‘I saw your stupid and gay friend pretty bad lying on the floor.’ mumbled Matt giggling and moving his hands weirdly due to the drunkenness.
Alex’s eyes opened widely and he ran away again, he didn’t know where to go, but a hurry took his body and he blamed himself for not spending the night with Miles. As he ran from one side to another of the store searching for Miles, he felt like a big pressing pressure on his chest and anxiety made him breath quicker. People started to annoy him and he felt like he was drowning. He decided to step out the place and the fresh air felt like a saving hand preventing him to sink down. He looked around and he saw Miles, sat against the wall smoking a cigarette. He certainly looked like a ghost, all pale and staring at the dark of the night.
‘Miles!’ he shouted as he approached to him and he knelt in front of him. ‘A- are you okay? I mean, Matt told me he saw you lying on the floor and I got scared something wrong had hap-.’
‘Matt is a cunt! I’m really dru- drunk but not to that point!’ he said as he took another drag.
‘Thank God!’ Alex sighed and sat next to Miles.
‘You’re a cunt too.’
‘What you’ve heard Alex. Thank you for the wonderful company tonight.’ said Miles sarcastically. You could tell by his tone he was really pissed.
‘But, Miles! You told me to go for her!’ said Alex confused.
‘Yeah, but you’re a selfish fuck and you did not even think about me, I mean, you know I’m alone here!’ Miles got up as he could because the alcohol reduced his balance to its minimums.
‘Miles you know Nick and Jamie and you could also talk with others!’ he said getting up too.
‘Yes! But I wanted to be with you!’ he shouted with desperation.
‘Why?!’ now Alex was getting really pissed, he didn’t understand why they were fighting and he remembered Elena and he regretted having left her to go with Miles.
‘Because of this.’ and he grabbed him by his shoulders and pushed him closer making their lips meet. Alex, after realising he was kissing Miles, pushed him away and he looked at him shocked.
‘You’re disgusting.’ and he left.
Alex was sat on a low wall near the forest that surrounded the school. It was a pretty sunny day and the weather was warm. The sky was light blue and there were random white clouds walking around. A pleasant spring breeze took immediately away the smoke that came out of his mouth. His feet where hanging and his sunglasses were on. There was a relaxing silence and the only thing he could hear was some animals and insects. He took another drag. It had been two weeks since Miles had kissed him. The next day after the kiss, he woke up early and left Miles’ apartment and went to ask Matt for some shelter. It wasn’t a good idea at all, Matt almost wasn’t at home and Alex didn’t fancy going out with him. His parents were practically as irresponsible as Matt, and most of the time Alex was alone in their house. After some days in there he decided to go and talk with his mum, who, reluctantly, accepted his apologizes and let him coming back home.
‘Home, sweet home.’ thought Alex when he had finally laid down on his bed. He stared at the ceiling. He missed Miles. He couldn’t avoid thinking of him, thinking on the kiss, thinking about Miles’ secret. Why hadn’t Miles told him he was gay? He thought Miles trusted him. Maybe he was afraid of his reaction. But that was stupid, Alex appreciated him too much for leaving him because his sexuality. But maybe Miles didn’t know it.
‘Hey, you, dumbass!’ he heard while a tiny rock hit him. He came back from his thoughts and looked at her. Elena was there, with a high-waisted denim shorts, a pair of Docs and a large t-shirt, put inside her shorts. Her make-up was the same as always and his hair was completely a mess, but that made her even more sexy.
‘I have been waiting for you, like… 20 minutes.’ said Alex jumping down the wall. It had been practically a whole week since Elena talked with him for the last time. She didn’t keep the promise she made of talking him at school, maybe she accepted because she was drunk, but that made Alex question her real intentions. Anyway, she had sent him a note that morning where she ordered him to meet her at that wall at 3 pm. He knew he was dumb following her order after her indifference towards him, but he couldn’t resist her.
‘Oh, yeah, I’m sorry.’ she said without really meaning it. ‘Alex.’
‘Yeah…’ he said approaching to her with his hands in his pockets. There were silence until Elena pushed him closer by his arms and kissed him. Kissed him in a fierce and passionate way, like if she had been craving for his taste for a really long time. Alex placed his hands on her waist and pushed her even more closer and their hip bones collided. Elena took back to breath and looked at him. She raised his sunglasses with a finger to see his eyes and a little smirk appeared on his face. ‘What was that?’
‘Umm, yeah, I don’t know, I felt like doing it.’ she said while she embraced him on a sweet hug and she placed her head on his chest. His heart was beating fast, and it was certainly true that what had just happened excited Alex and made him really happy after some weeks of pure sadness. Now his only thoughts were Elena. Her. Finally. He couldn’t believe it how quickly things had happened. He, in his inside, forgave her for her indifference. With that kiss she had solved all his problems and worries.
It felt awkward after the kiss. When the passion flew away they both realized what had just happened. It was nothing bad, but the magnitude of the action overwhelmed them. Elena looked down the floor while they walked inside the forest and Alex did exactly the opposite, he looked to the new clouds that had appear on the blue sky. He still remembered Elena’s flavour and how her back made a perfect curve to place his hands, as if she had been made tailored for him. He wanted more. He needed more. That kiss was too little for such a long waiting.
‘Where are we going?’ Alex asked stopping her by grabbing her hand and pulling her back to his arms. He embraced her again placing his hands on her back.
‘I don’t know. To walk around the forest.’ said Elena and she could avoid smirking at the sight of Alex’s eyes, that were analysing her pale skin and then remained lost on her deep green eyes. ‘Alex… can you stop looking at me like that? This is becoming awkward…’
‘If you don’t let me look at you, you’ll have to give me something else.’ and as he finished the sentence he approached to kiss her again.
‘Oh no, no more kisses.’ she said trying to look serious but a giggle came out without permission. Alex squeezed her between his arms and approached her to his face.
‘So, now you decide when I kiss you?’ he raised his eyebrows as he was questioning her behaviour. Elena nodded but gave him a little and quick kiss and Alex loosened his grip, letting her run to the nearest tree and she hid behind it. ‘What are you doing, Elena?’ he didn’t know if laughing or feel shame for such a childish girl he had in front.
‘Chase me if you want more.’ and she made a kinky face wile she brought his finger to his mouth and instantly the childish image fade away and left a sexy and provocative girl hiding behind a tree. As Alex took the first step to chase her, she started running to another tree. So Alex began to run too and they found themselves running through the forest, Alex after Elena.
Exhausted, Elena stopped in the middle of a little circle of trees. Alex finally caught her and whispering a you’re fast, he kissed her, grabbing her cheeks with his two hands, that were burning in an intense pink after making her body exercise . It was a long, film kiss, the only thing missing was the camera filming around them. Somehow, that was the kiss that made that official, like Alex would truly realize that that was actually happening. The wind was now stronger and the sun was being covered by some clouds. It was around 6 pm and it was strating to be cold around there.
‘I think we could just go home and relax.’ said Alex. ‘It’s starting to cool and you look like you’re staring to get cold.’ and he embraced her with his arms and leaded her to his house. There was no one at home since his parents work until late. Holding her by her hand, they stepped up the stair to Alex’s room. Elena was shaking, so Alex gave her some sweatpants and a hoddie and they both laid down on his bed. There was an awkward silence and Alex started feeling nervous. He didn’t know how to act, would cuddles be too lame or sex too much? Elena was still a mystery for him and he couldn’t still read her expressions. He didn’t know if she was happy, sad or angry, she had always the same shallow expression like she was empty inside.
He suddenly felt a pressure upon his body. It was Elena. She had rolled upon him and now they noses were touching.
‘I’m bored.’ she let out.
‘What do you want to do?’ said Alex thinking Finally!. He craved her way too much. It was like he had been waiting all his life for her to approach. He craved her but not in a brutal sexual way, it was more like some people use to say:making love to her. But she had something at the same time that made him distrust on her.
‘Nothing. I’m leaving.’ Alex’s inside crumbled when he heard those words. He was confused. Elena fucked up his mind.
‘I don’t know, when things get bored I leave.’ she threw the sweatpants and the hoddie over the bed and got out the room. Alex followed her an opened the door. She at least gave him a goodbye kiss and a sweet See you tomorrow at school. By that Alex knew she was not angry, but why did she had those mind-blowing quick changed of behaviour? Spending one day with her made him question himself if he could handle her as a couple, and that made him sad.
He stepped up the stairs again and laid face-down on his bed, burying his face under the pillows. He sighed deeply and just waited to the day to end and waking up next morning. Some minutes after, when he was falling sleep still with his clothes on, his phone buzzed on the night stand. It was Miles.
“I miss you (not in a gay way, I’m really sorry about that night *sigh*) Give me a chance to explain you this, please. I hope you reply.”
“We can meet at the store, I miss you too.”
Alex’s reply was short enough to make Miles understand he truly meant what he wrote, since he was pretty bad at expressing himself if it was not through music. So that short sentence gave Miles some kind of hope. He had been devastated since that night when he did the dumb decision of kissing Alex. Those past two weeks were full of tears and Miles memories were summed up in his bedroom. The dark walls illuminated by the light that came across the little holes of of the louvres sucked his soul to the point he did not even fancied dying. He had lost everything, because the only thing he had was Alex and everything he did seemed like it would be better if it was shared with him. The hideous fact that he may never get their friendship back put him down to a point that words can’t express.
Before going out home to meet Alex he looked at his reflection on the old mirror he had purchased on a street market he went once. He looked awful. He looked dead. His skin was more pale than usual and you could tell he had lost at least 3 or 4 kilos. He wanted to think of a solution to look healthier but he gave up the idea quickly since he had nothing to do about it, just pray for Alex not to notice. But he actually did. After the awkward hug Alex decided to give to him, thing Miles thought would be too much after the whole issue, Alex asked him if he was feeling alright. He looked sick, like he had been hospitalized during those two weeks. Alex avoided the fact of his appearance as fast as he could, the thought of Miles being so depressed we wouldn’t even eat broke his heart in two.
‘I don’t know were to start.’ said Miles breaking the silence that had reigned since they had sat down on the old sofa.
‘I don’t need any apologizes, I just need to know why didn’t you tell me you were gay, why didn’t you tell me who you truly are… ’ Miles looked at his hand and he realized he was shaking. Trying to calm down he thought what to say but he wasn’t able to give Alex an answer, because he didn’t have any.
‘I was scared, I guess.’
‘Scared of what?!’ Alex knew the answer perfectly, but he needed to listen it from Miles to assure him that wasn’t going to happen.
‘Of you rejecting me…’ Miles blushed and felt the urge to cry, but he contained himself as much as he could wishing Alex wasn’t going to answer a sentimental reply, he didn’t want to cry any more, he was fed up of that.
‘You know that is not going to happen, I wouldn’t give a fuck if you were blue or had a leg left, I wouldn’t, Miles, I only care about who you are inside, nothing else, right? I was not pissed about the fact you kissed me, I was pissed about the fact I felt betrayed, the fact I felt not good enough that you decided to hide your sexuality in front of me, nothing else.’ By the time Alex finished talking Miles was already crying and he jumped on him and hugged Alex’s skinny body tightly.
‘You’re too good to me, Alex, I don’t deserve this.’
‘Yes, you do.’
Some hours later Alex was at a little pub waiting for Elena. After making sure Miles was okay and he could left to his date, he headed to the pub in the middle of the nocturne city and he sat his butt on a chair with a beer between his hands. He waited for her 20 minutes, as usual, she was late, not even a message informing of her delay. He decided to leave starting to feel judged by the people in there, as if they knew he had been jilted. He put on his coat and hiding his head in the flaps of the neck’s coat and his hand on the pocket he left the place.
‘Where are you going? I thought we had a date…’ Alex turned back to the image of Elena standing in the entrance of the bar. He was happy but at the same time frustrated because she always had the things the way she wanted.
‘Yeah, but that was 30 minutes before.’ said Alex with a more than evident annoyance.
‘I know, I’m sorry, babe.’ and she leaned for a kiss. And as always, she got what she wanted, doing things as she pleased and being forgiven of everything. Alex started being fed up of her behaviour but she had something mysterious, magical, that made him forget about that when they were together, so he never had the opportunity to tell it. The date was totally irrelevant, meaningless chatting and some beers, just a little bit of fun. After leaving Elena at her house, Alex had a sudden thought, as he had been missing someone all that and time and he had not even notice.
‘Where the fuck is Matt?’
*I finally continued my story, okay, I’m really sorry for all the waiting but I promise this chapter is quite intense, I hope you enjoy it c:
The sunlight of the morning woke him up slowly. Aw, sweet Saturday, finally. The last weekend had been quite busy for Alex, he sorted things up with Miles, realized he was not that happy with Elena and tried to find Matt. In the last one he wasn’t successful at all. Not a hint of his friend. He called Mrs. Helders and she said Matt was completely okay, that he seemed a bit busy later since he didn’t stop at home as often as before. Alex gave up the idea of telling her he didn’t attend to school and just said a polite thank you and smiled through the phone.
He tried to avoid Elena as much as he could. Their relationship gave him headaches and he was not the kind of guy who faced his problems just right when they appeared. He gave them space, expecting Elena getting pissed and asking what was going on, but she didn’t say anything, not even called or looked for Alex at school, and that really annoyed him. It was just the pure evidence that he was just the mysterious girl’s toy.
He rolled over the bed and slammed his hand on the night stand searching for his phone. 1 pm. Fuck, that was quite late. He jumped off the bed and put some track trousers on and headed downstairs. Hmmm, smell of food.
‘Just right in time, honey!’ his mum smiled.
He was in quite good mood that morning. The family sat around the table and emptied their dishes.
‘Oh, Alex, Miles phoned. He asked me if you could call him when you woke up, he must be waiting your call.’
‘Oh, right, okay.’ Alex wasn’t expecting Miles calling, not for any certain reason, he just didn’t expected. He stood up and climbed the stairs up, grabbed his phone and threw his body on the bed with his belly out of his clothes. He felt full.
‘Hey, did you just woke up?!’
‘Just an hour ago.’ Alex laughed.
‘Productive Alex is productive.’ Miles laughed back.
‘What did you want?’
‘Just meeting up. I have nothing to do. Let’s meet in the store… I don’t know… about 4? Is that okay?’
‘Yes, I guess.’
‘We can decide there what to do.’
‘Yeah, we will decide ther- one thing Miles. Do you know anything about Matt? I know it’s weird I’m asking you but I’m worried about him. I haven’t known anything about him in weeks.’
‘Not at all, sorry.’ Miles’ voice was sharp.
‘Okay, no problem, see you later then.’ Beep, beep, beep…
Miles headed the store a bit earlier than he was supposed to to arrive there at the time agreed, but he was bored at home and had nothing to do so he decided get there taking an slow walk while he felt some butterflies in his stomach. He was so happy everything was perfectly going now. He smiled at nothing. Sooner than he thought the gate of the store was in front of him and he moved it making that roaring noise.
‘BACK UP!’ Someone shouted inside the store. A familiar voice. ‘BACK UP OR I WILL SHOOT!’Shoot. At the sound of that word Miles froze completely, but he stepped forward just a bit to see the face of the lost soul. Matt.
He raised down the gun unconsciously at the sight of Miles’ face. But a second after all his body tensed again and he gunpoint Miles again. His eyes moved fast and you could see he was terrified, sweet pouring down his face, and his eyes again… those eyes had something strange. His face and arms were dirty and he had wound everywhere. His clothed didn’t look much better, and he has half- hiding behind the sofa. Her hands where trembling and he rubbed his hand through his forehead.
‘Come in! Come in and close the door! QUICKLY!’ he was utterly nervous. And his eyes all over again. Miles entered with his arms in the air, he tried to stay calm, probably if he was an stranger he would be lying on the floor with a bullet on his body. ‘Come here, that’s it. Stop! There! Don’t move! If I see you getting your phone.. oh God… you’re done.’ Miles observed his gaze. He looked lost. His pupils… he was on drugs. ‘The police will find me, no, they can’t, I didn’t do anything bad, I-’ He was starting to freak out now. No, he needed him to stay calm or he could do anything. Miles gulped and clenched his fists. Oh, fuck, shit, Alex!
If Alex appeared in that right instant, God knows what would happen. He closed his eyes wishing Alex would be late and by the time he appeared he had the situation controlled.Please Alex, please. He had to try to talk to Matt, to convince him no one would find him and he was safe.
‘SHUT UP!’ he shouted as his words were hurting him. And suddenly a noise in the gate. ‘YOU BASTARD! YOU CALLED THE POLICE! THEY FOUND ME!’
Miles turned back to see Alex entering in the store with a smile on his face. A shoot. A scream. A body on the floor.
[To be continued.]